Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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