mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
