my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
