He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
