She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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