Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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