We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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