yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think people are normalizing furries
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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