look no pants
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
