I molested 6 butterflies tonight
babies were throwing up all over the place
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
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