And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
