He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
