dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
