can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
