Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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