she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
