I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
