You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
