ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
