I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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