so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
