Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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