I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
