The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
