Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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