They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
