Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
