is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
