hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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