The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
