Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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