dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
