I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
