cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
