Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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