all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize