I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
