why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
