my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
