Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Houston, we have a blender
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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