I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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