So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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