but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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