You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
