I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
