That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
