DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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