u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
