Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize