Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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