is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
