I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
