Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
