sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
