are you still at the devil's house?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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