But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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