I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
