We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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