Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
