Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
