quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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