Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
