i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
