my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
