I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
