billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
