so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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