I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
