something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
