The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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