My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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