I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
