Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
