is your mom at the bar?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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