Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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