hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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