sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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