just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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