I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
