question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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